Here comes the bride…wearing a feeding tube?
So in the latest edition of “things-that-exist-that-will-make-you-hate-the-world,” I’d like to direct your attention the latest trend by which brides-to-be attempt to shed those pesky pounds before putting on the coveted white dress: feeding tubes. Yup, these lunatics hook themselves up to feeding tubes that go from their nose directly into the stomach, providing a slow drip of protein and necessary nutrition for up to ten days while they starve themselves, losing weight and presumably brain cells in the process.
It’s actually not that new, and it’s just one of a slew of scary diets that women undertake on their way to their “big day.” I’m an engaged woman myself, and look, I want to be my best on my wedding day too. There will be a million pictures taken of you that you will hopefully look back on with fondness for the rest of your life – and no one wants to dwell on their arm fat or back rolls while they reminisce about their wedding. But.
Using a feeding tube to lose weight before your wedding is batshit insane. There are no caveats, no explanations that make this ok. It is terrifying that this exists and that more than one person has tried it. It’s a reminder that while we as a nation struggle with a very visible and very really obesity epidemic, we are coming up with equally damaging strategies to combat our terror over fat and fatness. It’s also yet another example of a culture that is so lazy and so afraid of working for anything that they will resort to medically-monitored starvation to lose weight rather than learn to eat properly and exercise. (Do you hate the world yet? I do).
As a reminder to reasonable people everywhere – you probably shouldn’t lose 20 pounds in ten days as a result of not eating. Not only is it terrible for your metabolism, mental health and general well-being, do you really want to look gaunt and unlike yourself in your wedding pictures? Sure, tone up at the gym. Tighten up your diet for a few months and go down a few dress sizes – you’ll be proud of your body and the work you put into it. But starving yourself so you can see your clavicle at your wedding, only to rebound immediately after (which is most assuredly what will happen, considering the unsustainable nature of how you lost the weight in the first place) is not how you want to do it.
So, brides-to-be, say it with me now: vegetables, good. Exercise, good. Feeding tube, bad.